Wassup guys, it's ya boy Lex from XV and Rich Port and I'd like to let you in on one of my favorite activities. I like to NITPICK. Take what's considered a great movie and send that shit crashing down like the Hindenburg.
Today I wanna talk to you guys about Disney's MOANA directed by the dynamic duo Ron Clements and John Musker. The animation of this movie is gorgeous but there are characters here that are unbe-phuckin-lievable.
Let's start off with Moana's mother Sina. This phucking lady, on the night her husband's mother is dying, decides to let her 16 year old daughter take a boat, which she never proved she knew how to handle, and set out to the open sea... by herself. Sina got the parent of the year award right there. As the chief, Tui is probably reeling from the death of his mother and now has to deal with the realization that his only daughter is somewhere in the sea alone and that his wife let her go without saying anything. DIVORCE!!!!
By a miracle Moana finds her way to an island where Maui is and from the bat we get to see how evil this dude is. Dude steals her boat and throws her in a cave so she can die a slow death from starvation. She finds her way out of the cave and onto her boat where he again tries to kill her by throwing her in the water where she could die a slow death by drowning. Once again she survives and finds her way with Maui to Lalotai, the realm of monsters. Maona jumps into the free fall death trap and passes right by Maui, and what does he do? He walks away believing that she'll just die; and this guy is supposed to be a PHUCKING HERO. C'mon Disney.
Last but not least, the biggest villain of the movie is... THE PHUCKING OCEAN. The ocean not only knows that Ta Ka is really Te Fiti but just lets this teenager do all the work. From the jump the ocean was holding on to the heart when she could have just put the goddamn thing in Te Fiti's chest.
Disney... C'mon dude. Anyways, this was ya boy Lex and if you want some nitpicking you can find me on the gram @kingofqueens0621 and the official page @XVandRichPort.